making friends with strangers

Last Friday, I had my final meeting with my first class, officially known as “3-C,” here in Vietnam. The International Education Center, where I work at Hong Duc University has found a company that is willing to “officially” (i.e. through the means of a specially trained ESL TOEFL teacher far more experienced and qualified than myself) prepare my class for the TOEFL-ibt and on Monday, the torch will officially be passed from me to the new teacher. I, meanwhile, will begin teaching a new group of beginner-level students to prepare them to meet the qualifications of a test-prep company. While I am excited at the prospect of meeting and developing relationships with new students and to working with a different book (I was told to create a brand new course again, so I took advantage of the opportunity to try out a new book—let the syllabus construction begin!) I am also sad to say goodbye to my current group, with whom I have grown so close and learned so much. In my last blog post I said that I was in the middle of writing an entry about a particularly poignant lesson that I learned from my students in class one day so I’d like to share that story now, as I say goodbye to my first students (well, in a sense—I told them that I would still be a big part of their lives whether they liked it or not!) and look ahead to my newest teaching challenge and opportunity.

Every morning, I began my class by giving my students a “warm-up” speaking exercise to get them thinking and talking since 7:00am is quite an early time to begin studying a foreign language. I wrote a prompt on the chalkboard, made sure everyone understood the question, gave them between one and four minutes to organize their thoughts, and then had them, one at a time, speak to their partner for one minute without stopping. When I first began using this exercise in class, many of the students would either not speak at all or speak for maybe ten seconds before stopping and looking quite lost. After countless explanations and re-explanations of how to approach this sort of activity (one that will appear in test-question for on the TOEFL-ibt), lots of encouragement, and plenty of “okay, let’s try this again”’s, the room buzzed each morning during each of the partners’ minutes and I walked through the room listening and smiling. There were always a couple of confused faces, and lots of grammar issues that we then went over as a class, but ultimately the exercise turned into a success and the students were soon creating their own “warm-up” questions to go over with me individually.

Many times my questions asked the students whether they preferred one thing or another, and I then used their responses as a springboard for a class debate (a favorite activity of my students’.) Other questions, however, asked the students to describe a personal experience or individual in their lives. A little over a month and a half ago, I asked the students to describe an important skill that they learned from their mother or father as a child (questions about family, romance, or the environment tended to elicit the most creative and enthusiastic responses.) After completing the timed response section of the activity, I asked for the students to tell me which skill they talked about in order to check that they had provided supporting ideas and examples in their response. Many of the students said things like, “My mother taught me how to cook,” or “my father taught me how to fix a motorbike.” We discussed each of these, and a few other examples, and then I asked if anyone else had anything different to add. One of my quieter students, Trang, said “strangers” to which I immediately replied “yes! So your mother or father taught you not to talk to strangers,” repeating the mantra that is ingrained in most American children’s minds from a young age. Trang and others in the class looked back at me confused, and many of them responded at once saying, “No, they taught us to make friends with strangers.”

That response hit me like a ton of bricks or a breath of cool fresh air (and probably both) as I was reminded yet again of how wonderfully different Vietnamese culture is from American culture in many distinct ways. Every house I have visited in Vietnam always has a large insulated jug, with lots of boiling hot water at the ready, sitting near to a table in the main gathering area of the residence. This water, refilled and reheated throughout the day, is used to make tea which is given to all visitors, regardless of who they are, upon their arrival at a home. The water is kept hot and the teapot and cups are sitting out throughout the day because individuals and families in this culture are constantly anticipating, and glad to receive, friends and strangers, who will soon be friends, into their homes. This custom, and the meaning behind it, has been one of my favorite things to learn of and about during my time here and I was thrilled to learn and be reminded again of this societal mindset by my students that day in class. After a few brief moments of happily stunned silence, I smiled and said “of course. You’re absolutely right. That is how we should treat strangers and what a great skill for your parents to teach you.” I often think about this lesson from my students—one of many, I assure you-- as I walk along the road or through the market, exchanging greetings and smiles, and especially now as I prepare to soon meet a group of 22 strangers who will become my students and friends. I wonder what I’ll learn from them?

Well, my bed and a good crossword puzzle are calling my name, so until next time, my friends, stay warm and well, and say hello to the next stranger you see for me—who knows… maybe they’ve got some tea ready for you to drink on a cold winter’s day.

All my love,

Hayley